Tiger Mom

I really really loved Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  For starters, it was read by Amy Chua, the author.  It was all the more engaging hearing the story in her own voice.

The book tells of Chua's experience with "Chinese parenting."  She demands success of her two daughters, which to her means nothing lower than an A in every class,  learning to speak Mandarin Chinese, and proficiency in music (Sophia plays the piano and Lulu the violin.)  At times Chua is very demanding and harsh.  The girls never have sleepovers or playdates and must practice their instruments for 90 minutes each day with her standing nearby offering critique.  As the ultimate authority figure, Chua demands her girls' submission and respect.  When the girls are 4 and 7 she rips up the hastily-made cards from her daughters and demands better ones.

I find it fascinating that despite many critics’ opinions that Chua is cruel and too hard on her children, the girls turned out remarkably well.  They are both very musically talented and very bright.  Chua includes in the book an essay her daughter wrote in high school.  I am not comfortable admitting how many words in that essay I had to look up (a lot.)  In response to all the negative publicity the book received, Sophia wrote a letter to her mom that was published in the New York Post.  The letter ended with, "If I died tomorrow, I would die feeling I've lived my whole life at 110 percent.  And for that, Tiger Mom, thank you."  Even the younger daughter, who rebels against her mother's suffocating parenting admits at the end of the book that she is grateful for her mother pushing her to excel.

Both Bryan and my mom were subject to daily reports on my thoughts about the book.  It really made me think about what kind of mom I want to be.  While I would never be a Tiger Mom, I do have high expectations for my children like doing well in school, helping with chores, and taking some kind of music lessons.  The big difference to me is giving my children time to also pursue interests of their choice and supporting rather than suffocating them.  I also think it's important to note that we all have a different definition of success.  To me, success is a kind, happy, and healthy child- not necessarily one who has extraordinary talents.

Jillian is just beginning to assert her own will and sometimes this clashes with my will (i.e. she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to splash applesauce all over the kitchen and I disagree.)  It's easy to plan for and imagine the kind of mom I want to be, but I'm sure it will get much more difficult as she asserts more of her agency and I expect more out of her.  In the end, I guess it's a good thing kids are forgiving.