5.29.2009

School's Out for Summer

The last day of school left me feeling overwhelmed with a medley of emotions. Luckily, I can deal with all emotions in one simply way- crying. I will be totally prepared when puffy, red eyes become the latest beauty craze.

Of course I feel happiness, or make that elation, at the glorious free summer ahead of me. I'm looking forward to lots of reading, sleeping, being outside, scrapbooking, traveling, and catching up with family and friends. I'm sure at some point I'll miss my excuse for why I'm not on top of the laundry, dishes, shopping, cleaning, etc. But, for now I'm really excited to finally get those things done!

My excitement is contrasted by a deep sadness. I'm not going to be at Canyon Crest next year and it was even harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye. I read Dr. Seuss's "Oh the Places You'll Go" to my kids and completely lost it before I even got past the title page. I am full of gratitude for the experiences Canyon Crest has given me- the wonderful friends who have helped me through and taught me so much, the amazing families who are so generous and kind, the adorable and hilarious students who make me smile every day.

The exhaustion from nine months of handling 26 fourth graders has definitely caught up with me. I will enjoy not having to talk all day, and not having to run around a classroom (in heels!) trying to make fractions exciting. I'm also full of hope that I made some difference for these kids. Maybe they learned long division, or they found a passion for reading, or maybe they just learned how to spell Martinez.

I regret to admit it but I am still feeling frustration and confusion at all that has happened this Spring. After hearing that I would most likely not have a spot at C.C., I was relieved when I was later told I would be able to stay. I was assured over and over again that I was going to stay only to have a bomb dropped on me at the end of April. There was no spot for me. I jumped back into the job hunt and very luckily quickly found a job at another school. One week later a spot opened up at my school. For a couple hours I thought I could maybe go back on my commitment to the new school, but that didn't work out. So, here I am.

My Mary Engelbreit calendar provided me with a perfect quote for May, "Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards." Though it seems like a cruel joke right now, I know there is some reason for the drama and stress of these past couple months. I know that someday I will look back and be grateful. In fact, I already am grateful. I have learned valuable lessons, and I know there are many more to learn. For now, all I can do is keep living forward, and try to stop all these tears.

6 comments:

Tiffany Strong said...

You are amazing, Canyon Crest is going to miss you and your heels. I am going to miss your smile, positive attitude and most of all being able to vent to you everyday. I love you Mrs. Martinez. Make sure you text, call, or update your blog!

Janssen said...

Rachel, I think you are superwoman. That new school is so lucky to have you.

Lisa Michelle said...

Rachel, you're the best. And doing all this in heels?! You are truly amazing.

Judi said...

sweet post!

Katie Rich said...

I am sorry these last few months have been so rough! I am glad that you found a new job though and that you have a few months off to recover from it all!

Shauna aka Big Chief Rain Dance Phillips said...

I'm sure the transition will be tough, but I know you can do it! Franklin Elementary is lucky to have you!